A Scottish Poem about Mince and Tatties

Here's a short poem in Scottish dialect, about enjoying mince and tatties:

Mince an' tatties, mince an' tatties,
Haudin' us warm on a cauld winter's nicht.
A dish sae humble, yet sae richt,
Fillin' oor bellies, makin' us bricht.

Mince an' tatties, mince an' tatties,
Nae need for fancy, jist pure delight.
A comfortin' meal, aye juist right,
Tae end a lang day, an' mak it a' richt.

Mince an' tatties, mince an' tatties,
A simple pleasure, aye sae grand.
A taste o' hame, aye in demand,
A traditional treat, aye in oor land.

Mince an' tatties, mince an' tatties,
A dish sae Scottish, aye sae true.
Nae matter the weather, aye aye, it'll do,
Aye tae warm oor hearts, an' see us through.

Please note that this is a simple poem and it is not a perfect representation of Scottish dialect, and the usage may vary depending on the region

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Here's a translation of the Scottish words used in the poem:

• "Tatties" - Potatoes

• "Mince" - Minced meat (ground meat)

• "Cauld" - Cold

• "Nicht" - Night

• "Sae" - So

• "Richt" - Right

• "Fancy" - Elaborate

• "Comfortin'" - Comforting

• "Lang" - Long

• "Hame" - Home

• "Aye" - Yes

• "Grand" - Great

• "Scottish" - From Scotland

• "True" - Authentic

• "Weather" - Climate

• "Oor" - Our

• "Hearts" - Hearts

The poem is talking about how comforting and satisfying a meal of mince and potatoes can be, especially on a cold winter night. It also emphasizes on how this dish is simple, traditional and true to Scotland.

A different take on Mamma Mia

It’s been so long since I wrote here and looking back it seems I was mainly last inspired by the forthcoming arrival of my child. It (almost) seems appropriate, then, that I should share a work of art created jointly with him at the fond age of 6.

We’ve absolutely ruined ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” lyrics with an unholy amount of toilet humour; our rewrite is called “Diarrhoea”, to the tune, of course, of Mamma Mia.
We’ve stuck as closely as we possibly could to the original words/rhymes and form of the song (which was an absolute gift, as it happens).

Diarrhoea

I've been churned up by you since a quarter to ten

Chicken vindaloo, it was never my friend

Look at my bowels, will I ever learn?

I don't know how but I suddenly lose control

There's a fire within my bowl

Just one flush  won’t get rid of this thing

One more push and I'll just lose everything - ohohoh

Diarrhoea, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Diarrhoea, need to go again

My my, don’t run out of tissue

Yesterday the cramps had started

Devastation as my cheeks parted

Why, why did I ever let that go?

Diarrhoea, now I really know,

That’s why, I should never let you go

I've been angry and sad about the state of my loo

I can't count all the times that I've followed through 

And when I go, I need to lock the door

I think you know I'll be in here way too long 

You know that the smell's so strong

Just one flush, won’t get rid of this thing.

One more push and I could lose everything,   ohohohoh

Diarrhoea, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Diarrhoea, need to go again

My my, don't run out of tissue

Yesterday the cramps had started

Devastation as my cheeks parted

Why, why did I ever let that go?

Diarrhoea, even if I'm brave

I cry, leave my bowels empty

Diarrhoea, take me to my grave

I cry, don't you think that’s plenty?

Diarrhoea, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Diarrhoea, need to go again

My my, don’t run out of tissue

Yesterday the cramps had started

Followed through last time I farted

Why, why did I ever let that go?

Diarrhoea, now I really know

that’s why, I should never let you go

Every move you make

This is a little ditty I put together in honour of the final week of pregancy.
It should be sung to the tune of Every Breath You Take by the Police.

Every time you wake
And every move you make
every kick you make, every step I take
I'll be feeling you

Every single day
The pain is here to stay
I just have to say, till it's gone away
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
you make me want to pee,
How my noonoo aches,
with every step I take

Every move you make
could make my waters break
every elbow aches, every step I take
I'll be clutching you

Since you grew you've been filling up the space 
I dream at night of the scan that shows your face
I'm big and round but you're stuck inside that place
I feel so sore and I long for your embrace

I keep crying baby, baby, please!

Oh can't you see
you make me want to pee,
How my noonoo aches,
with every step I take

Every move you make
could make my waters break
every elbow aches, every step I take
I'll be clutching you

Every move you make
could make my waters break
I'll be clutching you

[repeat to fade]