A different take on Mamma Mia
/
It’s been so long since I wrote here and looking back it seems I was mainly last inspired by the forthcoming arrival of my child. It (almost) seems appropriate, then, that I should share a work of art created jointly with him at the fond age of 6.
We’ve absolutely ruined ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” lyrics with an unholy amount of toilet humour; our rewrite is called “Diarrhoea”, to the tune, of course, of Mamma Mia.
We’ve stuck as closely as we possibly could to the original words/rhymes and form of the song (which was an absolute gift, as it happens).
Diarrhoea
I've been churned up by you since a quarter to ten
Chicken vindaloo, it was never my friend
Look at my bowels, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my bowl
Just one flush won’t get rid of this thing
One more push and I'll just lose everything - ohohoh
Diarrhoea, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Diarrhoea, need to go again
My my, don’t run out of tissue
Yesterday the cramps had started
Devastation as my cheeks parted
Why, why did I ever let that go?
Diarrhoea, now I really know,
That’s why, I should never let you go
I've been angry and sad about the state of my loo
I can't count all the times that I've followed through
And when I go, I need to lock the door
I think you know I'll be in here way too long
You know that the smell's so strong
Just one flush, won’t get rid of this thing.
One more push and I could lose everything, ohohohoh
Diarrhoea, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Diarrhoea, need to go again
My my, don't run out of tissue
Yesterday the cramps had started
Devastation as my cheeks parted
Why, why did I ever let that go?
Diarrhoea, even if I'm brave
I cry, leave my bowels empty
Diarrhoea, take me to my grave
I cry, don't you think that’s plenty?
Diarrhoea, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Diarrhoea, need to go again
My my, don’t run out of tissue
Yesterday the cramps had started
Followed through last time I farted
Why, why did I ever let that go?
Diarrhoea, now I really know
that’s why, I should never let you go
