A different take on Mamma Mia

It’s been so long since I wrote here and looking back it seems I was mainly last inspired by the forthcoming arrival of my child. It (almost) seems appropriate, then, that I should share a work of art created jointly with him at the fond age of 6.

We’ve absolutely ruined ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” lyrics with an unholy amount of toilet humour; our rewrite is called “Diarrhoea”, to the tune, of course, of Mamma Mia.
We’ve stuck as closely as we possibly could to the original words/rhymes and form of the song (which was an absolute gift, as it happens).

Diarrhoea

I've been churned up by you since a quarter to ten

Chicken vindaloo, it was never my friend

Look at my bowels, will I ever learn?

I don't know how but I suddenly lose control

There's a fire within my bowl

Just one flush  won’t get rid of this thing

One more push and I'll just lose everything - ohohoh

Diarrhoea, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Diarrhoea, need to go again

My my, don’t run out of tissue

Yesterday the cramps had started

Devastation as my cheeks parted

Why, why did I ever let that go?

Diarrhoea, now I really know,

That’s why, I should never let you go

I've been angry and sad about the state of my loo

I can't count all the times that I've followed through 

And when I go, I need to lock the door

I think you know I'll be in here way too long 

You know that the smell's so strong

Just one flush, won’t get rid of this thing.

One more push and I could lose everything,   ohohohoh

Diarrhoea, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Diarrhoea, need to go again

My my, don't run out of tissue

Yesterday the cramps had started

Devastation as my cheeks parted

Why, why did I ever let that go?

Diarrhoea, even if I'm brave

I cry, leave my bowels empty

Diarrhoea, take me to my grave

I cry, don't you think that’s plenty?

Diarrhoea, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Diarrhoea, need to go again

My my, don’t run out of tissue

Yesterday the cramps had started

Followed through last time I farted

Why, why did I ever let that go?

Diarrhoea, now I really know

that’s why, I should never let you go